Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Boobie Boot Camp: A Summary

On the whole, Boobie Boot Camp was a resounding failure. However, it has now gotten to the comical point, so we've at least passed that hurdle.

Some of the things we tried (many thanks to everyone for their suggestions):

1) Stripped her to her diaper. This one actually helped a lot. She hates being naked, so she definitely stayed awake (If anyone watches Arrested Development, I foresee her turning into a "Never Nude" like Tobias, complete with the cutoff jeans.)

2) Every different kind of hold there is. Cradle, cross cradle, football, lying down...

3) Jason rubbing her head. And her feet, back and tushie.

4) Squishing up my nipple into all sorts of different contortions to get it in her mouth.

5) Holding her arms behind her back.

6) Bribes.

7) Slathering my nipples in chocolate ice cream. (Just kidding, but really did consider it at one point.)

8) Dribbling breast milk in her mouth and on my nipples.

9) Stood up, and Jason got a running start to jam her head on my boob. (I am actually not kidding about this one.)

Needless to say, we're back where we started. Our last hope is this lady that my friend, Shelley, knows (and had help with her daughter) who is known as a breastfeeding miracle worker. If she can't help, then I will officially see nursing as a loss, and just continue bonding with my Medela pump.

All I've got to say about this whole breastfeeding experience so far is "Oh poop." (Now that I am a mother, I've got to watch my language a little more.)


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