Saturday, February 19, 2005

Disjointed Thoughts

1) Thank you to everyone who has commented, given me advice, encouragement and prayers. I am very grateful-- though slightly unable to reply right now, as time will only allow for one event to occur after every feeding ("Shall I pee this time? my cats? Maybe drink that bottle of vodka?").

2) Breastfeeding. Well, last night, I managed to get her to willingly take the "bad boob." Three whole times. And then once this morning. But I figured out that she will ONLY take it after she's had the good one and had her diaper changed... and she has to be slightly sleepy, but not too sleepy. If any of these things is slightly out of whack, nope. Ain't fallin' for it.

3) I have almost watched an entire season of "Monk" in the past four days.

4) My mother finally left this morning. It's a long story, but here's the short version: it was nice having the help, but it will be nice to finally get to be the parent.

5) My husband has officially become a proponent of formula. He hates breastfeeding more than I do. The thing is, I tell him, when it is going well, it's nice. I like having her close and "suckling" (erk, hate that term). But when it's bad, I do not have a soothing husband in the background, saying, "Come on, honey, you can do it..." No, he's chanting, "For-mu-LAH! For-mu-LAH!" I'll be honest... she sleeps longer, digests it better, barely needs burping and seems much happier when we use it. For the past couple of nights, it's been a simmering stew between Jason and my mother. She is fiercely against it. She even stayed up late last night, we think, to keep Jason from supplementing with a formula bottle after I fed Anna. So basically, we've been sneaking around the house at four in the morning, giving her formula and quietly washing the bottle evidence, so she would sleep longer than an hour. And no, I know that this is not emotionally healthy, but as I said earlier, it's a long story.

6) Thank goodness for Secrets of The Baby Whisperer book. I have found it invaluable. She is just practical and makes sense to me. I know that life will seem more normal when we are on a rough schedule, so that is my goal by six weeks.

7) Not that I was a flaming Ferber Method person before I had Anna, but I definitely had my mind made up how things were going to go. She'd be breastfeeding with ease, sleeping in her crib and there would be NO nipples introduced before six weeks, other than my own. Well, ha ha. We all know the breastfeeding situation. I had a pacifier in her mouth as we left the hospital. And she sleeps either on top of me, or curled up next to me, as we sleep on the couch at three in the morning, watching "Monk." "Cry it out"? The child can't whimper without being picked up and comforted. And I don't give a RAT'S ASS. I still want to get her on a schedule, but I am overwhelmed by the knowledge that she is only going to be a baby for so short an amount of time. If I want to rock my baby to sleep, then I'm going to do it. I will deal with the consequences later.


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