Monday, May 31, 2004

My Purse

My husband has very strong opinions about my purse. We'll be out, and he'll say, "Do you have any nail clippers?" I'll say, "No." He'll get huffy and say, "Well, that is something that should be in your purse." Like it's my job in life to carry around nail clippers.

He rarely ever compares me to his mom, but the few times that he has, it's been concerning my purse. "Do you have any gum?" "No." "My mother always had gum. Women should always have gum in their purse. If you don't have that, then why even carry one?" Among other things that should "be in my purse," there include Kleenex, bug repellent, Tic-Tacs, gummy worms, a decent pen, checkbook, no cash ("If you have cash, you'll spend it."), cash ("I need three dollars for a cash?!"), film to be developed, address book, a Leatherman, camera and lip balm. Oh, the lip balm! Trust me, I just counted and I have six tubes of assorted lip balms in my purse.

Last time I went to buy a new purse, he went with me, offering his opinion. "No, it needs to be bigger." "Bigger." "Not enough pockets." "Bigger."

And now, the man has taken to sticking his stuff in my overcrowded purse. We went to Silver Dollar City last summer (for you non-American heartland folks, it's a theme park in Branson, MO, not far from where we live) and midway through, I realized that the weight of my purse was comparable to a bowling ball. Fine for an hour. Not fine after eight hours.

Today, when we went to see "Shrek 2", the man stuck his big bag of gummy worms in my purse. "Hey!" I cried. He said, "I spoil you rotten. I get to put anything I want in that purse." I thought about it, and I guess he's right. I am fairly spoiled rotten. At much as I proclaim differently, we usually do whatever I want to do. He took me to Cracker Barrel for breakfast, bought me some truly unneeded Burt's Bees lip balms in the gift shop and then took me to "Shrek 2", when he'd rather be at home playing PlayStation on his day off. I guess he can put stuff in my purse.

Although, I still get a little miffed when, throughout the movie, he sticks out his hand and demands "Worm, woman."


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