Friday, May 28, 2004

Cynical Influences

Today, my boss said to me, "I need to move you away from K because you've changed." K is my male cubicle-mate. We have "lived" together for about two years now. We actually get along really well; we both like cartoons, comic books and pop-culture. It's sort of like having a brother (I imagine...I've never had one). I'm even the one who told him he should ask out one of my best friends, to whom he is now married. We've only had one major fight in two years, and that was because I was switching meds, and in full-on Rage Mode, insinuated that he was fat. I still feel really bad about it.

So I asked my boss, "How?" He said, "You used to be so laid-back and flexible. Certain things set you off now." I will grant that K has probably influenced this change. He is even more cynical than me. He doesn't trust authority, so I've heard every company conspiracy theory and gossip that floats his way. He gets riled up at the drop of a hat. "They're going to move the company to Kansas City!" "Mabel is gunning for Tony's job!" "Everyone is getting food poisoning from the Company Picnic!" (that one was actually true. Bad turkey.) I listen to a constant running commentary for eight hours a day. It's never bothered me all that much because, frankly, K is pretty funny. Sort of like sitting in a box with Al Franken. I know that some of it has rubbed off on me, but I really don't think it's all K. It's also the small town, religious culture I live in, mixed with a little infertility, work boredom and Everclear music.

I know that change is good, but sometimes change happens because you aren't minding the gap, so to speak. I've just let a lot of crap knaw at me for several years, and the changes in my temperament blind-sided me.

I need to chill out.


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