Friday, June 11, 2004


I am reading a new book (yes, I know that I am always "reading a new book." I have about seventeen books on my nightstand.) called The Language of Letting Go, by Melody Beattie. She also wrote the book, Co-dependent No More, which had a big impact on me when I first read it seven years ago. I definitely have co-dependent tendencies. It's unfortunate that the word "co-dependent" strikes such a pop-psych pseudo chord now, because true co-dependency is very real and suffocating. "Letting go" has also been difficult for me in my life.

Anyway, last night, one concept that hit me was "detachment." It seems so easy, but for those of us who struggle with perfectionism, idealism, controlling and being manipulated...well, it's a foreign concept. Ooooo, scary...detachment! It seems so heartless. But in actuality, it is a quality that is imperative for being an emotionally healthy human being. It's accepting that you can only accept responsibility for one person--yourself. And there's only one being who has ultimate control--God. Today, I have tried to practice detaching myself from people and situations. And guess what? It's a new world! Someone said something to me that normally would have stung me. But it didn't. I found myself thinking, "I can let that get under my skin, or I can let it go." I let it go. And it was wonderful!

Ever since I was cleaning out my grandparent's attic several years ago and ran across a huge box of pamphlets from my grandfather's AA group, I have secretly wished that I could join AA. I remember sitting on the floor, reading through the 12 Steps booklets and thinking that I had found a box full of peace. I don't have to be in control! Deep down, I knew that I wasn't in control, anyway. I just didn't know that there was a world out there where you could experience freedom from yourself.


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