Thursday, October 16, 2003

Well, my husband saw the Walmart slip yesterday for the pregnancy tests I'd bought. The proverbial shit hit the fan. "Sixteen dollars?! These things cost SIXTEEN DOLLARS?!" He thought they were like a buck. Which they are if you get them at the Dollar Tree (and they work fine-- Steph tested positive on the one that I had skeptically bought there.) But I went back and the piles and piles of pregnancy tests that the Dollar Tree had invested in were no more. I guess women just swoop them up when they have them in.

So anyhow, he said, "NO MORE, WOMAN! When a baby pops out nine months later, we'll know you're pregnant." He still doesn't know about the last box that I stashed away. Ha ha. I am a pregnancy test junkie. You know you are when you take two at once, just to make sure. I just got an email from a new friend of mine, though, and she said that she had been the same way and the store kept restocking them because of her. They thought that there had been a run on tests, but it was just her. She's nine months pregnant now, so that's hopeful.

The sixteen dollar one I bought was one of those digital ones from Clear Blue Easy. I don't like them, I've decided. For one thing, they are really expensive. They come with three strips that you pee on, then insert into a little digital reader. Two of my strips said "Error" possibly because I peed on it too much. Or too little. I have no idea. The last said, "NOT PREGNANT" which I found a bit harsh. Couldn't it say, "NOT PREGNANT BUT YOU ARE STILL A GOOD PERSON."? Or even, "TRY AGAIN."? "TRY AGAIN" at least gives you a bit of hope or incentive.

Today is Boss's Day. Which is another thing that I've decided I don't like. Let's be honest. EVERY day is Boss's Day. They make more money than us and get to tell us what to do. Then they have a whole day and we are all supposed to spend our hard earned money buying them a cake and taking them out to lunch.

Here is my new verse that I posted on my computer: "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Do you know how freaking hard this is to do? I've always had such a problem with this. I am a very critical person...I wouldn't say "negative" necessarily, just "critical." It is so hard for me to let a critical remark pass by. If I know that someone is making a stupid decision (of course, just my opinion that it's stupid), I just can't let the opportunity go to rail on about it. It is so HARD to clamp my mouth shut and not say exactly what is happening in this nasty little head of mine. That's another thing. My other verse is: "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." This is even MORE difficult. It's one thing to shut your mouth and not say all the mean hateful things going on in your head, it's another thing to not even have them.

Kindness and compassion and forgiveness are the most beautiful things. They are also the biggest struggle every day to achieve.


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