Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Cat Poo and Looming Motherhood

Love the XM Satelite Radio. Just this morning, heard The Police, "Live at the BBC," Pornos for Pyros "Pets" and Primus "Jerry Was A Race Car Driver." More wheel slapping "Where have these songs been for 10 years?!" type self-muttering.

One thing about getting closer to it being possible that I might actually get pregnant and have a baby....I've discovered that I am kind of freaked out by the thought of it. Couple of thoughts on that. Last night, I had an awful night's sleep. First, before I went to bed, it was discovered that my handi-capable cat, Atticus, had horrible "stinky butt," as I like to call it. So had to give him a bath. It's always traumatic for both him and me. He is the sweetest, easy-going cat in the world. I've never even heard this cat hiss. But when you get him in the tub, he makes this horrible gut-wrenching cry that seriously sounds just like he's saying, "Owwww!!!" Then, during the night, it rained, which always freaks Squirrel out, so he woke me up about three times, thinking he needed to go pee outside. Upon trotting outside, he decided that it was too wet to pee and wanted to go back to bed. AND my cats spent the night pawing at my door, then sleeping on my head purring. Ugh. I was so tired this morning and cranky. Jason said, "If you weren't so nice to them, they'd probably leave you alone more." (He spends alot of time harrassing my animals). Then he said, "You sure you want kids?" And I said, "Bleh. I don't know anymore."

I'm also reading this new book called, The Mommy Myth, and it's getting me pretty riled up. Has anyone else read it? I'm interested to discuss it. It's pretty controversial. For one thing, the writers are no-holds-barred flaming liberal feminists, which doesn't bother me necessarily, except that it's so different than everything that I'm used to. I consider myself a....personist, I guess. I truly believe in equality between the sexes--I was raised to believe that I could do anything a man could do (except perhaps pee my name in the snow.) But I'm not very angry about it. Probably because the women did all the hard work for me in the 70's and I've just reaped the benefits. I'm just not angry at men. I've tried to be angry at men, but I generally like them and don't particularily feel oppressed by them, or the right-wing Republican conspiracy that the writers seem to think is out there. They pretty much suggest that if you aren't a Democrat, pro-choice, working woman, then you aren't a thinking person. You have been duped by the patriarchal conspiracy. Well, I am a thinking person, but I just happen to not agree with some of their beliefs. I wish there was a new category....Republicrats. Sort of a liberal version of Republicans. Pro-environment, pro-life, pro-universal health care, pro-military, pro-education, pro-welfare. I wish it didn't have to be one or the other. And I'm sorry, I just can't throw my vote away on the Green Party.

But I digress. The Mommy Myth. While I may roll my eyes when the writers go off on a sarcastic tangent against Dr. Laura, I agree with most of what they are saying. They are against what they call "The New Momism." Which is basically post-modern motherhood/feminism. Basically, it's smart thinking women saying "Well, I can have it all. But I don't want it all. I just want to be a perfect SuperMom, since that is the only thing good and holy about being a woman." The writers imply that the media has set it up this way. With celebrities like Madonna getting on Oprah and saying, "Motherhood is the only thing that fulfills me." Or Elle MacPherson on the cover of People proclaiming that "Motherhood is sexy." Or Martha Stewart implying that you are a crack whore mother if you don't grind up beets for your child's baby food everyday. Nobody, except maybe Deborah on Everybody Loves Raymond, is telling the truth, which is "Motherhood is HARD" and often thankless.

It opened my eyes, for sure. But it's scaring the crap out of me, because I see it everywhere now. The message that "Your life is fulfilled if you are a mother." When deep down, I know that's crap. The few people that I know that are rebelling against this message (like Shelley or Stacey) seem to feel like they are the lone voices crying in the wilderness. It scares me because I have a sneaking suspicion that I will be one as well.


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