Friday, May 21, 2004

Hard Day Yesterday

I am having a much better day today. I had a crap day yesterday. I was in a negative "why me" funk, which is never a good funk to be in. When your mind is in a muddle, you desperately want someone to say the right thing to pull you out of it, but it is an impossible task. I was crabby to Jason all evening, then we went to Sonic and hashed it out. "Life is not fair," I declared, "Say something." He shrugged. He said, "If you can't see all the good things in your life, I certainly can't help you." Which is true, but it pissed me off even more.

Before bed, I ended up reading a Henri Nouwen devotional book. I don't know why I picked it up. I was huffily curled up in bed, playing my electronic Solitaire game, which I do every night. I thought, "Well, this isn't helping anything" so I tossed it aside. I rummaged around my husband's nightstand and found the book. It's ironic....I named my first cat Nouwen, but I've never actually read any of his writings. I guess I picked the right book, because I read it and sat there and cried.

I read a couple of devotions about perseverance and heartache and acceptance and found tears streaming down my face. One thing he wrote about was being spiritually flexible in your circumstances. The seasons that we get everything we want are not the times that define us. It's the times when we are shoved into unfamiliar territory that make us into who we are. You can either change and grow, or be inflexible to the way you think life should work. One brings maturity and peace, the other brings bitterness and anger. Well, you can guess which one corresponds to the other.

Then today, my boss did a devotion on exactly the same topic. (Okay, God, I get it.) He passed out a sheet that he had jotted down some thoughts on. Here are the ones that hit me:

-God's perfect. We're not.

-We need to be in a place of recognizing His hand in our lives. If we can have a soft heart and be receptive to him, He will make up for the injustice and bless way beyond our expectations.

-Above repairing injustices, God wants to give above and beyond, but He is waiting for us to acknowledge our part.

And this verse...

"Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives...?
You do not stay angry forever, but delight to show mercy."
(Micah 7:18)


"It does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy."
(Romans 9:16)


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