Sunday, January 02, 2005

The Start of a New Year

The holidays are officially over. Kinda hard to believe, but a bit of a relief. Family wore me out this past week. I love my family. I really do. But two days worth of worrywarting mothers, opinionated fathers, touchy sisters and crabby relatives is enough for me.

I am swamped. My mind is swamped. Some people thrive under stress, but I do not believe that I am one of them. Jason even declared me a grump this week. To my OB, no less. ("And how are we doing this week?" "She's a grump." Scowl from Ellen, but no rebuttal.) When my coworker buddy ended up on maternity leave two weeks before planned, a very large (and overdue) project ended up as my responsibility (and to be completed before my baby makes her appearance within the next four to seven weeks.) The task is enormous, and I've been working non-stop on it, even at home. Even on New Year's Eve. And I am stressed. I am having dreams about the project at night, and having slight nausea whenever thinking about it (although that might be the return of my morning sickness. BLEH.) I keep thinking that maybe God placed this project in my lap to keep me from fretting and worrying about childbirth.

I did take a break last night and watched "The Manchurian Candidate" and "Super Size Me." We also tried to watch "Fahrenheit 911" but we both got so pissed off, we turned it off an hour in. I found "The Manchurian Candidate" very disturbing. Good movie, but disturbing. One of those stories that is so bleak, there really isn't a plausible positive outcome.

But I loved "Super Size Me." We want to buy it and watch it once a month to keep ourselves away from fast food. I know that I eat fast food way way too much. I don't even like the crap, honestly. But the main problem is that I hate cooking. Er...not even that I hate it, but it just requires so much thought and time. I'm just not a big eater. Not a food lover. I've always, since I can remember, wished that there was a daily magic pill that took care of all my dietary, nutrition and hunger needs. I'd be all over that. Eating is such... a waste of time to me. There's so many other things I could be doing. And don't even get me started on food preparation and clean-up. There's half your evening right there.

And I guess I learned all the food pyramid and nutrition stuff in school. But when it comes to making a grocery list every week, my mind goes blank. I end up coming home with milk, bread, peanut butter, soup, coffee and apples. There's never the makings for a gourmet meal in my kitchen.

That's why I end up eating out half the week. It's easier on my brain. But terrible on my body. After watching "Super Size Me," I was so convicted. So today, we went to Subway instead of McDonald's. It's a start.


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