Tuesday, December 07, 2004


I'm feeling a bit down today. When I was at home for lunch, I found myself nearly crying while eating my McDonald's cheeseburger. I'm glad that I stayed on my anti-depressants during the pregnancy, or I'm sure that I would be ten times more emotional than I already am.

I'm not sure what it is. I feel scared, for one thing. I can't even place my finger on what I am scared of. All the changes, I guess. And everyone keeps "warning" me about this and that. Not all the warnings are necessarily bad. Just warnings about labor pain, babies being breech, not getting any sleep, breasts hurting and bleeding. Warnings about not being emotionally able to leave my baby in daycare. Warnings about my milk drying up if I return to work and have to pump. Warnings about making sure I wash all the baby clothes in Dreft. Or not taking the tags off my pink baby clothes until she's officially here to prove that she's a girl. I've also heard a lot of vague judgements on my choices... like choosing an epidural, allowing the nurses take the baby to the hospital nursery while I try to get some post-partum sleep or putting her to sleep in her crib from day one.

My brain is tired. It's like my mind has taken in all it can handle for the time being.


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