Thursday, June 19, 2003

I am feeling fat lately. The thing is, I'm not fat. I am actually thin to normal. But my body is changing. I'm not the size I was three years ago. Lately, I have to jump up and down to get my pants on, and the size larger than I usually am is starting to feel much more comfortable. I don't really exercise, so that is part of the problem. But then, I NEVER did. I think that this is another side effect of being a late twenty-something. Mother issues and blossoming thighs. My metabolism isn't kicking in like it used to. I think the thigh issue isn't bothering me as much as the realization that I'm getting older and alot of things are over. I will never have my mom tuck me in to bed and read me a book. I will never "fall in love" again (I mean, hopefully I won't. I don't want my husband to die or divorce me or whatever.) I will never be that young funky college girl again (Even if I did go back for more school, I'd probably be serious and study. Yuck.) I will never be the hot young single living in New York, wearing black and drinking cappucino (I never actually did that, but it's not going to happen now.)

I mean I think I chose the right path, or the right path was thrust upon me. I love my husband, my animals, my friends, my job (sometimes), my house... the future possibility of children. But then sometimes, I get so wistful for other lives.

As far as the thighs thing goes, I think a part of the problem was watching "Charlie's Angels" the other night. Drew Barrymore and the gals are MY age, for pete's sake. I'm looking at their butts and thinking, "What the hell?" But then, last night I was watching All Access on VH1 and they did a show on Hollywood "surgeries." You know, all those celebrities just whisk themselves over to get liposuction and enhancements at a moment's notice. It's not fair for the rest of us to think that they just look that way normally. So I decided, screw them, I'll just keep my jiggly thighs.


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