Thursday, August 07, 2003

I am having a bad start this morning. I just feel down. The thought of coming in to my passionless job just depressed the heck out of me. Plus, my stupid dog pooped on the floor, yet again. Goodbye, carpet, I will miss you.

I tell myself, "Nobody likes their job." But is that the truth? My husband likes his job...he dislikes parts of it, but on the whole, he likes it and fills fairly fulfilled by it. I just feel rather hopeless with it. Am I ever going to be doing something that I look forward to, in the morning? Am I ever going to feel fulfilled by my job? Well, it isn't this one, that's for sure. But I have no idea where to begin looking. I have no concept of what else it is that I would rather be doing.

The jobs that I've had in my past, that I found fulfilling, were camp counselor and preschool teacher, although both were tremendously exhausting. I loved being a counselor and tucking my girls in at night, braiding their hair, making sure they had their sunscreen on. I loved playing Marco Polo with the little boys in the pool, playing foozball. I also loved my little preschoolers...blowing their stuffed up noses and solving minor crises. Other things about these jobs bugged me, like preschool parents and bad attitudes and exhaustion, but the true job, I loved.

And I really do not love this job. It's BORING. I look around and think, "Am I making any difference at all in the world? Couldn't a trained monkey do this job?" I push around papers. I do a little design work, which I thought I would love, but I actually hate the stress of it. I return phone calls. I organize my boss's office. I try to look busy. I have to deal with marketing people, for pete's sake.



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