Friday, June 20, 2003

We are pet-sitting a coworker's dog for the next week. A long-haired, male dachsund with the unfortunate name of Fifi. I feel like an idiot, standing at the back door, yelling, "Fifi! Fifi! Where are you, boy?" He's a very sweet dog, though, and he entertains Squirrel, so that gives me a break from a needy little chihuahua in the evening. I think I know why people have more than one child. I don't know how many times a day I say, "No, go play with your toys."

I've been feeling really happy lately. Lots of external things seem to be right in place-- my marriage, my house, my job, my friends. But it's more than that. I just feel better in my own skin than I have in a long time.

For instance, a friend from high school called me out of the blue last night to get some information for the high school reunion that she is helping plan (which I am not sure I can bear to attend yet, long story. Short story=high school: bleh.) But she ended up telling me about our rich friend from high school (father owns big chicken corporation in our small Arkansas town) who is getting married in a month to a rich New York lawyer. In the past, I have secretly been ickily jealous of this friend. She's always had everything handed to her on a beautifully manicured silver platter. She attended an expensive Southern private university, graduated, then decided she really wanted to do fashion design school in New York. Her parents bought her an apartment there, and flew up every month or so in their private plane to see her. Now she's finished with school, and apparently, she decided she really didn't want to work, so she's just hanging out and planning her wedding, etc. etc.

Anyway, first of all, I can now admit to myself that this is NOT FAIR and I am INSANELY JEALOUS. But I can also admit that life is not fair, but that God has been pretty darn good to me in my own life. He gave me the life I need, not the life I thought I wanted. Besides, if I had nothing to do all day, I would be so self-consumed and depressed! Who needs a big beautiful, black tie New York wedding to a rich lawyer, anyway? Not me!

Okay, so maybe I'm not totally over this, but I can at least stick out my tongue and go "Thhhhpt."


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