Wednesday, December 10, 2003

Do you ever go through periods of your life where you feel like you are in a weeding out state? Deciding what matters, what doesn't, what isn't worth the trouble and what is.

I was telling my friend that the other day. We had been having friend problems and had to go through the process of deciding that, yes, it was worth discussing, making changes and continuing the friendship. I've recently decided to stop feeling guilt about friendships that I have let go--specifically some from college. I felt guilt because, Oh! I haven't called them in two years! Well, suddenly I realized that, hey, they haven't been calling me either. Duh--I know, but that one took me a long time to catch onto. However, after getting back in touch with my high school friend, Tiffany, l realized that I truly missed her and would like to keep up. It's worth it.

I didn't go to my folks' house for Thanksgiving this year and it was such a relief. I want my own Thanksgiving traditions-- and I don't want the guilt anymore of having to go to certain places and be with certain people. It was so liberating, and we had a great day. We saw a movie and relaxed and watched the dog show. Karen and her boyfriend came over and a good time was had by all.

Well, all of this mulling is leading to the decision that Jason and I just made to find new homes for our two dogs. I can barely keep up right now with the two of them, but I can't imagine what it will be like with future children. And frankly, I'm not enjoying them much. I spend most of my time at home cleaning up after them, or being bit by Squirrel my pain in the ass chihuahua, or getting awakened at 3 am every night by howls to go outside. I used to adore petting and brushing my three cats, but I rarely get to fuss over them anymore. All attentions are diverted to the dogs. So we decided and it's been a monster of a decision for me. I love the dogs, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up hating them eventually at this rate. We already have home offers for both dogs, so adoption isn't a problem at all.

It's just a touch decision for me. One of the pros and cons to my personality is that I am fiercely loyal. I am often loyal past the point when I should be loyal. It helped the other evening when my friend Sunny, who loves dogs and owns two, listened to the story of my life with Squirrel, and announced, "Well, I sure couldn't do it."

So there it is. I'm not going to feel guilt about this decision as much as my brother in law, Wade, will probably try to heap it on me.

Ha ha, Wade.


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