Lessons learned by Ellen in the past couple of days:

1) If you are a girl and hang out in the Sci-Fi/Comic Book section in Barnes and Nobles, you WILL be hit on by a male. Or several. I guess that the thought of a woman showing any remote interest in The Green Lantern or Arthur Dent is more than a trekkie can take.

2) You will make enemies if you cough, sneeze, snort and gack for four hours during "Return of the King."

3) Chihuahuas cannot be passed off to other people. Yes, after 48 hours, Squirrel was back home with me. The lady called 24 hours after the exchange and said, "This ain't gonna work." He is back and he is happy and he is still incorrigible.

4) You should shut up about how bad your job is if you have a boss that buys you $100 worth of toys for Christmas, including 11' inch fully articulated Legolas, 12'' inch Muppet Show Beaker and assorted robots and Simpsons figures. (Which mine did yesterday.)

5) Sometimes God puts signs in the unlikeliest of places, like the word "Church" on the underside of a toilet lid while you have your head in the bowl vomitting. Okay, God, I'll go back to church. (But why would anyone name the brand of their toilet "Church"?)