Friday, December 19, 2003

Well, this has been an all-around crappy, difficult week.

All testing lines are completely gone, so that's that. Not pregnant. I am sick of looking desperately for phantom lines, so no more testing. I am literally sick, so I went home today to rest. But not before a lady at work offered me some cold medicine and I hesitated, so she said, in front of two other women, "Oh, are you pregnant?" I fobbled a minute, then said "no" and managed to wander off. Then Jason came and got Squirrel this afternoon and took him to his new home, so now the whole house feels empty. Amazing how one small chihuahua can implant himself so enormously in your life. I know it's the right thing, but it's still really hard for me. And I also know that Beatrice is leaving on Christmas day, so I'm not looking forward to that either. My parents will be here in several hours, the house is not up to par and frankly, I don't have the energy to deal with all of them. And finally, Atticus has Poopy Butt so I am dreading having to give him a bath.

Lazarus is here, and on the brighter side, he is going to a new home the day after Christmas. The same lady, that found his last home, found him another one in Kansas City and she is taking him there.

I just don't know what is going on with my life right now. I feel sad and a little lost. My dad used to always say, "To quote Bob Dylan, 'Some days are diamonds, some days are stones.'" Well, I'm definitely in a stoned period of life right now. I don't really know what God has planned for me. I'm feeling lost in my personal life and definitely in my work life. I feel like I can't keep going down the same track that I am on, but don't know what track I'm supposed to be on. I keep waiting for some miracle to happen. Like Ed McMahon stepping out of a van with 2 million dollars. Or somebody offering me the directorship of an animal rescue service. Or....I don't know what. I think that's part of the problem. I don't know what that miracle would be. I feel like I'd know it when I see it.

I'm trying to not sound like I am complaining and whining. I am just in a Grand Funk right now.


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