Sunday, January 04, 2004

Still thinking about nursing school. No closer to a decision. But thanks for your support!

I had a good day today, but tonight I feel lonely and restless. I read somewhere, a long time ago, that the right side of your brain is connected with depression in some way. Like, when you use it, it triggers some depressive response. I would believe it. It always seems to happen that way. Today, I made "Emotion and Feeling Cards" for Jason to use in his therapy groups, then I worked on some more cartoons. Now, yes, I feel depressed. Which is odd, since I was really productive,'s nothing new. It's such a struggle, using your creativity. At least for me. A love-hate relationship. I have to keep doing it--it won't leave me alone in my mind-- but sometimes it's like trying to climb out of the deepest pit. And for what? I don't even know what I'm doing with it. I have stacks and piles of cartoons and little stories, and I have no idea what they are for. Shelley and Jason tell me I should send them somewhere, but I don't. Is it fear? Is it laziness? Alot of it is my own perfectionism. I work really hard on a cartoon, then I hate it. I see every glaring mistake in it, so I put it away in my closet.

Maybe that's why writers and artists and such have always been such a mess. Art is such a blessing and such a curse. You are compelled by it, yet it eats at you.

If your right side brain produces depression, maybe the left side causes serenity. I know that I always feel really calm after I organize the CD cabinet at work or balance my checkbook. Accountants usually seem fairly angst-less.


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